India is a country of variety, diversity – so say a lot of observers. It was true even in the case of adversity. While terrorists were throwing bombs around Mumbai, Chennai people were not aware of what was happening there because the electricity was cut-off in most parts due to impending cyclone “Nisha” – Nice name I should say. I wonder why cyclones always have female names. Maybe, the planners think that people who suffer might have earlier experienced the same, at the hands of similar names.
Although the death toll for both events was about the same, the media completely forgot about those who died during the cyclone. After all, where is the fun in reporting about people who drown? So boring - when compared to those who were blown to pieces by firebombs. Media glamorized the death of innocents to gain its pound of flesh even during adversity, by choosing one mode of death over another. Let us look at why media would do that...
1) You get to report crouching down, although you are a kilometer away from the scene, giving an impression as if you are at the place of violence.
2) You have a glamorous look with a bullet proof on, even though there is no realistic chance of being hit by anything other than a slipper thrown by an onlooker.
3) You can bring so-called experts to analyze how things could have been avoided - the inputs which are mostly sensationalist, amateurish and has no context or situational awareness. I wonder why these experts always look puffed up. Is it the hot gas they are filled with???
4) Reporters can become the pseudo-patriots who are trying to keep this country together in the times of adversity.
5) Cover a rally with not more than 100 people but project it as a representation of a billion people in this country.
The government should have let loose these reporters on the terrorists instead of the commandos. They could have easily talked them to death, which they do, on an hourly basis in television channels. With their prior experience of putting people in deathbeds with their nonstop nonsense, I am sure they could have caused immediate damage for the terrorists' psyche.
On analyzing both modes of death, I personally prefer to die in a bomb blast. The incentives include better media coverage, higher compensation and visits from the dignitaries. Death by drowning only takes you until the next shore where your body might get washed up.
So much about mode of death. Now, we'll turn our attention towards our friends with guns and bombs. Our friends are called "Jihadis" - translation for "dick-heads". Their only aim in life is to be killed. I did some research to find out why somebody would go this far to get killed and the findings were absolute fun.
If these guys get killed while defending their religion (what exactly were they defending in a railway station and luxury hotels anyway.), god gives them five wishes - the one which would most interest us is the part where they are given 72 virgins who never get old (wow...), and for the sake of gender equality, throw in another 28 pre-pubescent boys. So, they have a choice of virgins as well as boys. Quite a menu, indeed... Looks like they will be busy for a while. If you've got your math right, that is 100 people to seek their carnal bliss.
We can question that this promise is fraught with logical mistakes like how god can supply 100 virgins to every dickhead who gets killed in the name of religion. Looks like he might run out supply soon considering the rate these guys are making their trip to heaven.
Deflowering a virgin maybe good fun. Maybe, 5 or 10 is alright. But, won't deflowering a hundred be a real pain in the dick. Anyway, after deflowering do they become virgins again? If they don't become virgins again, what is the fun the second time?
Worse, what if God was just kidding about those 100 virgins. Are these guys taking god's sense of humor a little too seriously? Only god knows...
(To be contd...)
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