IPL - Indian Paisa League - The Preview

Indian Premier League has come to an end...

Kolkata Knight Riders are the winners of the trophy.

• Mamta celebrates the win of the Kolkata Knight Riders, of which about 20% represent Kolkata state.  Hey... whatz the big deal!!! We live in a world without boundaries. I suppose we all should celebrate!!!

Special Note 

Kolkata is a communist state in democratic India. Knights do exactly opposite of what Communism preaches. But, we still name it as Knights from Kolkata. Again, the movie Knight Rider is all about Hell, God etc., which again is an exact opposite of what Communism teaches.Gosh... Monarchy was banned in India a while back... however, we have a few Royals and Kings, and even Knights in our league. Anyway, We are from India and these contradictions are to be accepted.

Special Special Note
Don't criticize me for putting up intimate pictures. The right word is "ADORING" - if you conveniently forget the lovable hugs, kisses and glances :) Gosh... what dirty minds you have!!!

• The best was from some Pandey girl... who stripped and posted her nude picture on Twitter.  Don't call me perverted because... I checked the google stats and this girl is one of the Top ten popular google searches in India. 

Special Note 
The black paint that covers the lady in birthday suit was my handiwork. Don't curse me... ok. Use google to get the complete picture. I don't want my kids to be visiting this site... in about 10 years from now... and think I was perverted.

Special Special Note
Now, I am beginning to think like a Bollywood producer trying to introduce some sleaze to improve the number of hits. That would explain the added masala in the blog ;)

Time to put the chicken back into the egg

Alas... my cynicism comes to fore once I start typing. So, I am going to be a good boy and put that cynical attitude and look at this with a new pair of eyes... courtesy, shashwath - my elder one.

I was channel surfing and came across an IPL match, which I conveniently surfed through. However, Shashu saw that and came running. He asked me to go back to the match. He wanted to see the match and guess what... he could even throw out a few cricketing terms. I was well and truly surprised because he seemed to have learnt those terms on his own. It was such a profound father-son moment, where the son makes the father feel utterly useless... Anyway, we couldn't linger on that moment since we had a match to watch!!!

However, It was indeed an eye opener - making me see things that I was consciously avoiding. I was thinking if I am letting my prejudictions color my perspective too much. Here was a game that everybody loved to follow and I was not even ready to acknowledge that it even exists. There were a few opinions that I strongly subscribed to...

• IPL is a dangerous combination of Business, Sports, Politics & Cinema
• IPL kills Cricketing skills
• IPL is the reason for the drought and increase in Petrol prices... thatz my political view anyway. So, move on to the next point...which is... none... so, you move on the next paragraph, please.

Capitalism at its Best

We have to agree, atleast grudgingly, that the dog and pony show of IPL is capitalism at its best.

Somebody creates something... 

then, tells people that it is what they want... 

repeatedly... 

And, someday people will fall for it.  

I suppose this simple mantra of Marketing was very well understood by the owners. They sensed people loved Cricket, would kill for their Cinema heroes...and Politicians would suck upto them if they provide enough dough. They thought about putting all this together and creating something huge... really humongous.

You want more... Pity... I can't think of more at this point...

However, this is a season of sequels... I am not letting you guys get away so easily... One more coming by... 

Here is a preview of the next part...

And... I am writing about all this... 

Hang On... Chill Out... Until, I get my next supply of creative juices...

RIP... We are DOODLED...

When I logged in, all my thoughts were about blogging about me pigging around in Malaysia. Because of the facility to open multiple tabs in Google Chrome, I opened BBC website and a particular article caught my attention. Well... it was end of my thoughts about the pigging blog and suddenly this took a more serious hue.

Thank you, BBC - You woke me up!!!

I read an article from BBC titled "Does globalization mean we will become one culture?"
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20120522-one-world-order/2

While it was interesting to see the influence of globalization, it is quite scary when you think of a world about 25, or even 10 years from now. It is always nice to think of all the technological advancements and being connected virtually to one another. However, there is a part of my mind that shouts out silently thinking about the things we might lose. I had an interesting discussion with a colleague of mine about how moving towards a single culture or single language would kill creativity.

Let us say, all of us speak the same language, same food and follow the same movie stars. Would the same unifying dimensions limit our capability to create something new? What will happen to our perceptions since we are limited by the medium of communication? Won't the limitations in the language become restrictive in our thinking process? I could find a few interesting answers from the essay "The Rise and Fall of the Bilingual Intellect" by Ramachandra Guha, a very knowledgeable writer.
http://ramachandraguha.in/archives/the-rise-and-fall-of-the-bilingual-intellectual-economic-and-political-weekly.html

While the context is a bit different, it still throws up the same notion that if something is to rise... something has to fall. My question is... Should it be me... mine???

Thank you, wifey - My mind is now a devil's workshop

It is actually nice to just forget about what happens around you... and, just watch IPL with pint of beer and crash without a worry in the world. Alas, I missed IPL and the Beer and my bloody conscience is wide awake to make my life miserable. Now, I have to be concerned about Inflation, Corruption of Indian values, Death of ethics and what not!!!

These are times when I really miss my wife because at least she will keep me grounded to reality. My thoughts were restricted to my family, job and well being. Since, she is about a 5000 kilometres away (safe from the range of our proud Agni V missile), my mind has been vacant for these silly thoughts about our society and values. Now, I have to think of all things that I can't change but only crib about!!!

Anyway, suffer my outbursts... Having come this far, why do you want to close the page.

Thank you, Gandhi & Folks - You screwed our lives...

Once upon a time, we all believed that we will be free men once we get rid of the white folks... white is not meant to be racially offensive but a reference to the Imperial rulers. So, we had a few thousand leaders who believed in Liberty, Equality and associated nonsense and went ahead and got us our Independence. It has been something like 60+ years since and all we remember about that is that it happens to be a holiday and we can watch our favorite movies. Or, we have the choice of watching our glamorous heroines talking about Independence.... And, I am not referring to the independence they give to their clothes.

Gandhi and folks wrongly made us believe that gaining independence would set us free. Its been a while, but all I can see is that the only the color of skin have changed for our political leaders but not the intent of raping the country for their own benefit. Democracy seems to work only for provocative people. For people like you and me... it just sends the taxmen after us.

On another front, the price of petrol was increased yesterday and is almost double of what it was a decade back. The reason given is that the value of rupee depreciating over the last decade. With a PM who has his doctoral in Economics, a minister with Masters from Harvard and a Rhodes scholar as Deputy chairman of planning, we still haven't unravelled the puzzle of depreciating rupee.

Is there a way out??? Of course, there is... Take a gun to your head :)

Thank you, IPL & Sid Mallya - Now, we know what is in store... 

We, as a nation, would love to thank Sid Mallya for giving us a peek of what future holds for us. Let us become One world. Qualifications would be to become IPL fans first. Then, you have to pay up for the tickets and other collectibles so that they can recruit actress to be brand ambassadors and get a few more glamorous Item girls... oops... Cheer girls. 

Our own equivalent of EPL brought to light a few popular hobbies of rich businessmen. Since the people were slurping every bit of news, the media bandied every small thing about IPL, like players' arrest in a Rave party, Molestation of a NRI in a midnight party by an IPL player etc.,  

The funneling of the black money through tax havens didn't get the airtime, though. Who cares, anyway?

I strongly believe that IPL can free us. It helps us drown our sorrow with pints of Kingfisher beer. It also helps soothe our broken hearts through such wonderful looking cheer girls dancing with their really short skirts. We get to see all the movie stars. What else can we ask for? What if the petrol price rises... What if inflation increases... We are happy to see all the IPL team owners bandying around their capitalistic virtues.

Thank you, America - Now, we are DOODLED...

Time for us to take our oath ...

"We are proud Indians... 
We want to be nothing but Americans...
We will culturally integrate into the globalized American world...
May our friendly peacekeeping forces bomb the shit out of our opponents...
May our proud soldiers pee on the dead bodies of the terrorist swine...
All we need is a Big Mac and a Starbuck Espresso to wash it down ...
We are ready...
Ready to be DOODLED"

Now... Line up... Say DOODLE!!! 

Thank you!!! RIP...

Rock & Shake... Live to die another day!!!

Rock my boat... like a Tsunami!!!

Shake my foundation... like an Earthquake!!!

Oh... Earth!!! 

Treat me like a lover... ... not an ex :)

I didn't know that poems flow in the face of death. When you are so close to the end, the words can burst out like a volcano or a gush through like a giant wave or shudder out like a quake.

All in a day's work

It was about lunch-time!!! All my thoughts were about food... and my table and room swayed gently. I thought I was feeling dizzy with hunger. It took me a while to realize it might be an earthquake. I came out of the room and all my colleagues were checking with each other if they felt the shake. It was excitement and fear filling the atmosphere with tension that you could cut it with a knife. Then, all hell broke loose... we all realized what had happened. Being in the top most floor, there was a realistic chance of us ending up on somebody's head in the floors below us or our ceiling ending up on our heads too. All scrambled and rushed out of the building.

Well... being part of the senior management didn't allow me to run out of that place. I went around to ask people to leave and found my CEO still in his cabin. We chased out any brave ones trying to take the ceiling head on. Once outside the building, our colleagues shared how the building swayed. It was all exciting and adventurous.

I was cool as a cucumber until the time I came back and settled down in my cabin. Then, the reality hit me.  I thought about my wife far away; my elder one at school; younger one at my in-laws'; parents... in-laws... friends.  I frantically started making calls. My thoughts about our Telecom network is in the next para... grrr.... Somehow, everybody were safe. And, I spent the rest of the day, trying to console my wife who was video chatting with me when the second tremors happened.

With all the latest technological advances, we not only manage crisis... but, also create them. While we were getting information about Tsunami formation and the strength of the quake, we also were using technology to create panic. All the roads were clogged because people were rushing back to their apartments.I am actually wondering if they thought it is better for them to die in their apartment rather than their offices.  With so much traffic, we probably might have died on the streets if that had happened. A group of adventure seeking folks went down to the beach to see the Tsunami. What these idiots didn't know was that the pretty wave that they see might consume them too. They were also making the lives of the policemen who were trying to clear the beach, quite difficult.

Anyway, nothing adverse happened and we have lived to die another day :)

Phones for Emergency... that doesn't work during Emergency

A group that would have laughed their way to the banks are the Telcos. They would have made a killing during this time where everybody would have tried reaching out to the loved ones to ensure they are safe. But, the irony of the the whole situation is this... We tend to justify use of cell phones saying that we might need it in case of an emergency. But, is there a bigger emergency than an Earthquake or Tsunami??? And, guess what... Cell phones didn't work! Whichever number we tried, we consistently hit "Network Busy"; "Network Congestion", "Number not Found", "No Network"... yada...yada...yada...

In a matter of 30 minutes, I knew all the error messages programmed into the telco networks.  If the bloody phone is not useful during an emergency, then what is the bloody point in having one. I suppose it is time for us take it and shove it in any convenient location we can find. Or... there are more options like:

Being Helpless... not good for our Ego

It is quite painful for us to see Mother Nature taking us for granted :( She thinks it is ok to scare and scar us once in a while, to show us who is the boss.  But, it is not so ok with us... our egos...

When we get acid rains due to pollution that we create or hole in the ozone layer because of CFC that we invented... we are atleast happy that we created all these things and feel a bit proud for causing all our sufferings. But, when it is a Tsunami or Earthquake... we are sad that we didn't play a part creating it.... It does affect our giant sized egos that we are not the cause for our sufferings... How sad, indeed!!! Why is Mother Earth so cruel... it treats us like this teeny-weeny things that it can treat like dirt.  We can't let her do this to us... we should stand up for our rights... we should go about destroying our earth earlier than she can....

So, people... go forth and multiply... finish all resources... pollute more... We can surely beat Mother Nature to our death!!!

Pursuit of Happyness

Hey... Folks!!!

Since my wife left to Europe to pursue her doctoral, I've been moving between the dominions of boredom and business frequently.  It seems to be like the clock which moves into the same zones in each circle, here I am... moving through the phases... in and out... and in... While I am with kids, I wish for more time. When I am alone lying awake in the middle of the night... on a bed that had four people only last month... I wish time flew. What I could only fast-forward the next three years. Alas!!! A fool's hope it remains.

Wifey @ Czech

 

Kids @ Home

Now, its my turn

Mostly....   

and other times... 

There are questions about why we would choose this difficult path while it is easier to just accept what comes and move with the flow. Well... you are talking about Prasad, aren't ya!!! When did you ever find me going with the flow ;) Doesn't the only flow that happens with me and ones I am related to ... is always on the opposite side. My wife as well as kids are experiencing certain things in life that they would never do... if the flow was normal. I only hope it bonds us better and builds our characters. We can proudly say we are one independent well-knit family!!! For those who think this is an oxymoron... you don't know us well enough :)

Anyway... moving away from horn I've been blowing about ourselves, I was questioning myself about what exactly we are pursuing... as a family. I think we are pursuing Happiness!!! Pure and Simple. But, to be happy, we want to be great.... a great couple, great parents, great role models, great professionals, great people, great houses, great cars... great, great, great!!!  Greatness is not about owning the biggest; It simply means being the best of what we are ... in doing what we are capable of... And, feel sincerely that we will be happy in pursuit of that greatness which will make us happier... I suppose whatever makes us Happy is great for us!!!

I was looking around to see the Happiest of people and interestingly, they are also the greatest. I thought I could put together about how happy these people are!!! What makes them great is that they've managed to be Happy, in spite of being Great.... being the best in their fields... getting the worst from critics... but still, they seem to have an aura around them.... a calmness that is almost spiritual. They seem to be in divine bliss in spite of being great... in materialistic terms.  All these guys are at the pinnacle of their careers and success, but, they seem to be so detached from their success.

I thought it would be very nice to put together a few words about these guys.... Here, let me invite the ones I'll be blogging about:

   

  

  

These are guys who get my vote... for not being the greatest... but, being the Happiest.  I wish I can find a perspective about how Happiness is achieved, when I read more about them.

Shall share with you too... when I get to know them well enough :)

Land of Kamasutra shrugs Porn... duh

Move over Nityananda and Ranjitha... we have some porn stars from the Political arena...

For those ungrateful minds that forgot about the carnal demonstration of Nityananda, here is a recap...

Nithy is a Religious philosopher... Ranjitha is a dusky actress... Nithy takes Ranji as disciple... Nithy gets horny... Makes out with Ranji... Some traitor videographs the session... TV Channels broadcast it... Nithy gets screwed...

Now, to our latest entertainment episode...

What is this Photo???

A couple of members from Karnataka assembly got horny - during a boring discussion about how Pakistan flag was hoisted in an Indian village - and decided to check out a couple of people making out in their birthday suits.

What's the big deal here... people???

Can't a stressed out politico or two watch a few porn clips... ???
What exactly is your problem???

The problem was not the event but the reaction to this scene.

First, enter the News Channels...

It was breaking news on most TV channels.

Firstly, they named the event - PORNGATE... Gosh... guys, can't you even think of something more original.  Not everything should have GATE behind it... How many in India actually know about WaterGATE, anyway? 

I should specially thank Arnab of Headlines Today for providing an entertaining discussion about implications of Porngate on the development of India. Shobha de who specializes in verbal porn was an apt participant to share her amazing insights into the business of Pornography.

Next, enter the Politicians....

The opposition cries that sanctity of the Assembly has suffered because of the guy who watched it... because of the guy who leaned over to see... and the guy who forwarded it.  They were mortified to hear that somebody could watch Porn in the assembly.  They have never heard of what Pornography is before this event happened....

The ruling party sacked the three ministers immediately. While they are more lenient towards murder, rape and corruption, they are extremely strict with things like watching porn.  

There comes Anna...

Anna... who's that? He is the old guy who wants to fast until he dies. Anyway, he wants the three musketeers to be jailed. 

My humble request to Anna ji... with all due respect, sir...you've humored us enough with your fast. So, please move on and do something more useful.









Finally ... The Bollywood

I understand there was much reluctance amongst the actors to say anything about the incident.... because they were not sure if the porn clip was theirs ;) Another apprehension is if one of their movies scene was mistaken for porn. Neither the heroes who specialize in tearing shirts to reveal torsos nor the heroines who are used to appearing in public stages forgetting their underpants, came forward with their piece of intelligent quotes - like they normally do for everything else.  

LOKPAL for DUMMIES

Before you start reading the rest, remember this:

"INDIA IS A DRAMATIC COUNTRY AND INDIANS ARE DRAMATIC PEOPLE"

Here are a couple of characters who will take you through this blog. 

Frustrated Citizen of India (A minority in the country) 

Here comes the majority - The Ostrich Men of India 

Last month, I ventured into "Ragavendra Mahal" - known for its owner who happens to be a super-dooper hero of Tamil Nadu. It was a bit ironic that we needed a place of a Superhero to get some recognition for a mass movement towards eradicating corruption in this country. There were about 50 people inside and I think it should have been a scary experience of them. In that massive hall, am sure they might have felt very lonely.  Also, there was a risk of goons walking in to whack them a bit. Brave souls, indeed!!!

I had to question myself about why citizens of this great country which has scored extremely high on the global corruption index (unlike our cricketers down under ;))  are so uninterested about showing their support to the Anti-corruption movement? Just in the recent past, it was a fashion to talk about how corruption is killing our country. When such difficult questions arise, I think of the second line in this article.

So, I have decided to de-complicate it for all you dummies.  Let's start with a few questions for which we can find answers here:

• IS LOKPAL A MOVIE?
• WAS ANNA HAZARE CLASSMATE OF GANDHI? THEN, WHY IS HE A GANDHIAN?
• WHY DIDN'T WE LAUNCH LOKPAL BILL WITH A FASHION SHOW?
• WHY POLITICIANS HATE LOKPAL (ESPECIALLY LALU???)
• WHY DON'T WE SEE THE KHANS IN LOKPAL PREMIERES?
• WHAT IS THE ATTENTION SPAN OF AVERAGE INDIAN?

What is Lokpal?
Frustrated citizen speaking...
Check wiki... you idiot. Anyway, this is a bill that will bring corruption to an end... or, so we hope. But, don't ask me for the details. That is way beyond my intellectual capabilities... or yours.

Ostrich Man speaking...
Pal means friend, right... and Lok means world. It means "Be friends with the world". It is like the indian version of the Facebook.  Oooh... let me check how many chicks I can pick up using Lokpal.


Why we all love Lokpal?
Frustrated citizen...
Because we bloody think that this bloody bill will reduce bloody corruption in this bloody country.

Ostrich Man...
We love Lokpal because it came at the right time. There was no IPL or any major movie releases. So, we decided to try Lokpal and Anna, for a change. It will keep us all occupied until we have the next movie or cricket series.

Why did Lokpal lose steam?
Frustrated...
Because no bloody politician... be it the ruling one or the opposing one... will let it live. After all, this bill has been hanging since 1968. Gosh, I was not even born then and I am already into my thirties.

Ostrich...
Well... It was to be expected if they can't keep up the momentum in the script. They should have tried more stunts, more rain songs with heroines (using Ramdev in a Punjabi suit was a bad idea, indeed) and the climax never arrived. You can't expect us to miss our movies or cricket for this... do you?  You are kidding, mate!!!

Who is Anna Hazare?
Frus...
He is the human form of our collective conscience.  So, don't blame us if we can't stand him for too long. Well... to answer your question, He is one old man... very old man, indeed... who was born while Gandhi was alive. He may have lost a few marbles upstairs... and thinks he can fast until death without knowing that our politicians would happily let him die.

Ostri...
Isn't he the man who fasts!!! Even my spa recommended that I fast for a day to reduce the fat I've accumulated because of too much pizzas and KFCs. I gotta work out at the discotheques more, I think. Now, coming back to Anna... I think his costume is a bit bland for a stage personality.

Why elect politicians and then conduct processions to remove them?
Frustrated...
No comments!!! Are you trying to make me feel guilty and miserable, you moron :(

Ostrich...
Processions are fun... Maan!!! Have you ever seen a Mardi gras...dude?

When you know somebody is corrupt, why did you elect them?
Frustrated citizen...
We were given a wide variety to choose from - Hot pan, Fire and the devil himself.  So, couldn't decide which one was better.

Ostrich Man...
I'll pass that question, mate!!! I've never voted and my intellectual age is not yet 18... I'll go back to my playstation now ;)

How to pass the Lokpal bill?
Frustrated citizen speaking...
I wish my grandchild somehow finds another Anna to sacrifice. Even then, it might be a bit difficult. But, hope is everything, right!!!

Ostrich Man speaking...
We should invite all movie stars to the launch. Mallika should gyrate her hips seductively to capture the attention of the audience. Then, Big B can light the torch that will be taken all around the country. And, then... hey, what exactly are we talking about??? What is Lokpal exactly???

The end result of this debate is...

The Minority

 

The Majority

Long live India!!! Screw it, guys... when you have the chance!!!